Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
