bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So much rum. So many feels.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
