He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize