my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize