I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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