Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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