There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
