Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
