Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
