apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
