What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
