remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
