I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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