You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
