so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You need a sexual gate keeper
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize