Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
