but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
