we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize