birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
