My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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