So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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