if you like me you must not know who I am
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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