not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
