You don't have asthma, your pregnant
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
