It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
