The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
