Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
