the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
