he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
