Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
