Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
