i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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