My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
