I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
