South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
