Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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