New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
how drunk are you?
Several
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
