My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize