Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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