Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
