my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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