I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
