I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
