dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
