I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
