...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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