omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
