well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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