Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
