I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
