is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
