fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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