i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
