Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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