i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
