In the future we'll all be gay
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
