Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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