Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Randomize
