The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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