I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
