My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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