Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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