Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
