I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I wear drunk well.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
