apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
