Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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