I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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