im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
