I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm like, not good at living.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
