Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
