I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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