My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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