McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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